Saying the Safe Word 

(or Labradoodle)

 

There's this book

by a Romanian poet 

I love

it's called 

 

Wheel with a single spoke

 

reminds me of you 

because the 

self deprecation 

of it all 

 

but there's this line 

in one of my 

favorite poems

it says, 

 

sometimes I'm afraid 

I will see you no more

 

and that's the kind of fear 

I'm battling right now

because of you

 

anyway,

So i lied,

 

I am not a succulent, 

I am a needy fucking flower 

and now I’m turning into 

the bad kind of needy

 

I promise I won't

try to hold your hand

 

and anyway, 

I hope you're doing okay

 

I hope we 

can salvage 

something 

from this 

mess

 

I miss you (fuck, I wish I could be colder)

 

I really like being with you 

hearing you laugh and

laughing with you 

making fun of stuff 

and feeling like I can 

just be myself and that

is enough

 

it *brakes 

my heart 

to see you 

disappear   

 

I'm sorry 

for coming on so strong

for being so intense 

for fucking shit up 

for hurting you, if I did

 

and especially for making 

you feel like you're not enough

because you absolutely are 

 

I want

to say more, 

but I'll stop.

And just say, 

 

Labradoodle.